ONE
A kid runs towards a group of adults, chasing after a ball. His spectacles was at his bridge, on the brink of falling.
Lady: Boy! Cermin mata tu bukak. Kasi mak. *
while sipping a small cup of colourless liquid*
Boy: Ok! *
took the spectacles off and passes it to her* *grabs the ball and ran off*
Lady: Boy! Takmoh main lari-lari. *
continuing sipping the small cup of colourless liquid*
On the coffee table, just beside the lady, were a few small cups filled with a concoction of sprite and the colourless liquid:
Bacardi.
TWO
A group of adults were sitting in a living room. Two boys and a girl were playing with a ball in the garden just outside the room.
Guy: Boy! Nak air?
Boy: *
turned to look* *saw the cup filled with a dark gaseous liquid* *quickly shook his head*
Guy: Jangan takut lah. Abah kasi coke la. Nie coke.
Boy: *
returned to look* *warily stared at the cup* Taknak!
Guy: Kau takut eh? Nie coke la.
Boy: *
ignoring*
Guy: *
turned eyes to the people at the table* Kat rumah sikit hari, member haus, dia capailah cawan pat atas meja. Dia minum. Muka dia terus lain. Abeh dia tanya aku, “ Air aper nie babah? Nampak macam coke.” Aku jawablah,” Tu bukan coke la. Tu
Bourbon.”
THREE
A group of adults were gathered outside in the garden. On the table, were emptied bottles of
Chivas Regal and
Jack Daniels. In the living room, were bottles of
Baron Brew. A boy awoke in the middle morn, looking for his mother. He ran across the living room, crossing over drunk men who were lying in their own stupor. He found his mom and hugged her tight for comfort. Her right hand grabbed and pulled him to her bosom comforting him, trying to cork the tears. Her left hand was holding a small cup of colorless liquid:
Bacardi. Her eyes, neck and face was flushed red. “ Shh. Shh. There now. I am here.” She said.
***
Morals screwed. Principles wayward. How could one claim the wrong, and yet indulge continuing in carrying out the wrong? Two wrongs can never make a right. Then, how could one continue living a wrong? Such indulgence, undeniably, causes a state of high-tension. It causes a delusional and hallucinating high, most of the time, that is beyond control. Slurred speech, double visions, strayed walks, unintended scandals and dismembered actions. True enough, it might be causing one a temporary immunity from the world’s pain and a temporary shield from the existing problems that one might probable or has been having. Does it? Really? ‘Fortunate’ for some, such temporary seeks might have been able to cause such a high level of comfort that, for those who have tasted such forbidden practices, they always seek its indulgence. This, they claim, as their personal security bubble. Why? How could that be possible? Is it possible in the first place?
Personally, there are different methods in trying to hide oneself from personal/public pain. Right? However, it is sad to observe that many deemed and labeled such easy-proclamation-of-a-high as a common orthodox method: Fast and easy. Of course, such practices are not cheap. Never have been. Funny that they could lay on the table huge amount of cash (
where did they ever found the ways to have such amounts of monetary papers in the first place?) to purchase such sinful products and drown their system with such forbidden swallows. Why? It is tedious for I to try to empathize. Thus, my questions of ‘why’ are left unanswered. More precise is: people are simply not giving I the correct rationales of why they should/could/might want to practice such. I cannot see it. Not that I do not want to try to feel for you, but I really am not within the capacity to understand. There was never a life-subset set aside specially for such practices that could possibly give I the leeway to feel such. Thus, explains such bothers and ponders. *
shrugZ* I am still bothered. *
sighZ*
Many have claimed that I am hard-shelled lady and within the hard shell, belies a flesh that is even harder. Such texture was innate from life principles that are strong and uncompromising. And so they have proclaimed. But the hard cover is not able to protect my inners from throbbing with pain and sadness when such occurrences were screened in front of me. There are things in life that many should not expose the young to. Undoubtedly, there are things that await the right time to be revealed. Simply because, the young are not able to digest proper what they see. Their minds are not capacitated with the right rationale, maturity and reasoning to process properly and filter the right from wrong with what were laid before them. Many things have their own times to be revealed. Do not expose children, prematurely, to events that they are not able to understand. Sometimes, even adults, themselves,do not understand why certain things happened the way it did. Hence, wait for the right time to reveal. Thus explains why patience is a virtue. Never indulge oneself in events that are not supposed to be indulged yet. Anyways, recent events have left a deep scar in I. Sometimes I do wonder whether I am being too sensitive in taking those to a level that is a little too personal? Am I self-proclaiming such burdens onto my shoulders, which in fact many have claimed, as being redundant? I see bad things proceeding from such events, and it worries me.
Life is a cruel cycle. Deny as much as you could, many futures were from the effects of yesteryears, yester-months or even yesterdays. Today’s actions echo into eternity, and with it, a certain consequent was dragged into the future. Such reality could be foreseen. Though, most of the time, such fore-proclaims might not turn out as exact as what we had calculated. Sometimes, the builds of future events are simply based upon what we had fore-proclaimed and fore-done. Truly, I do not have the power to unravel the future. But it scares me, as I sit pondering about life, the events of today were replayed from yesteryears. Thus, what was presented to I a few days back, bothers me even until today. It shook my foundations and confidence. Now, I am left with bagsful of doubt. Should I or should I not?
To foresee is to be forewarned. I have been forewarned. The question is then: to take action or to just go with the flow. *
shrugZ*
Too early to tell?
***
I sighed with dismay.
Tagged with good characteristics.
Built upon good principles.
Innate by good parenting.
Just one glitch.
A bad habit.
Jangan halalkan yang haram.
Jangan haramkan yang halal.
*
sigh*
It hurts me when such forbidden proclamation were made.
Aware, it is wrong.
But still, stallioned head-on.
*
sigh*
My heart throb.
I cry silently.
*
shrugZ*
