Well my heart knows me better than I know myself
So I'm gonna let it do all the talking.
I came across a place in the middle of nowhere
With a big black horse and a cherry tree.
I felt a little fear upon my back
He said "Don't look back, just keep on walking."
When the big black horse said, "Look this way! Hey Lady, will you marry me?"
But I said,"No, you're not the one for me."
And my heart hit a problem, in the early hours,
So I stopped it dead for a beat or two.
But I cut some cord, and I shouldn't have done it,
And it won't forgive me after all these years
So I sent it to a place in the middle of nowhere
With a big black horse and a cherry tree.
Now it won't come back, 'cause it's oh so happy
And now I've got a hole for the world to see
And it said, "No, you're not the one for me."
Big black horse and a cherry tree
I can't quite get there 'cause my heart's forsaken me
***
i have done many things people deem as obscure. or! once wafts of such a 'thing' come to contact, they are quick to misjudge. these small misjudgements are the mini minor daggers that usually cut the very cords i am balancing my sanity and intentions on. i do not deny, at times whilst i try to protect that very cord, i get myself cut. deeply sometimes.
***
of all people to misjudge. of all people to practice prejudice. of all people to push me aside. of all people. of ALL people!!! sigh. going through something, be it good or bad, i need the other party(s) to consent to certain unsaid requirements. at least i am aware that we are standing or hold the same principles => we are unanimously [to a certain degree] in sync.
i do not need to be held high. or to be treated different. all i need is just for the same person to be fair. at least fair to me. as much as the degree of things might have changed, the level of expectations and treatment are proportionately modified as well. that i am aware. but, putting me in your personal buble, you really do not have to vent all things to me.
people see and people ask. they expect that i am to be treated differently. maybe, just maybe, the pedestal [at which i am put on] is a little too obvious to them, thus the funny-funny questions that they imposed on me. they expect different. they expect special treatment. THEY expect.
me? i dun. i just expect indifference. i expect things to be the same. it is rather baseless to tinge everything with a little change. why? guilt? shy? or i seem to be the convenient outlet to be vented upon ==> humans vent anger and show frustrations to the oneS they love most. funny. they treat strangers nicer than they treat the ones they love.
hmmm....
***
YOU! i loathe disrespect. a 'NO' means 'NO!' still. your pure intention has just brewed irritation and anger. haven't i said 'no'? was that not enough for you to understand? or are you too densed and swallowed in your OWN need to satiate your OWN want to get both of us together?
look at the BIGGER picture. you play the role as a mediator ONLY. the protaganists are US. working the thing is US. not you. have you been respectful enough to ASK how we feel about all these?
YOU think we are good for each other. YOU think we are a match. YOU think by initiating something simple, it might just blossom into something beautiful. I would not say you are wrong. I would deem your intention as good. 'A' for the intention. BUT! when the intention has been snubbed by disapproval, be proactive enough TO BACK OFF!!!
be smart. you are not pawning on kids here.
be sensitive. you may get what YOU WANT but at the expense of something else.
be clear. who are you doing this for? to soothe yourself? things like this are not meant to be dipped and tested. ==> DO NOT meddle in Godly affairs. You do not have such powers.
Think about it. a right thing can be made wrong just due to enforcement and unwillingnness.
at our age, there really isn't much room for mere play OR trial and error.
***
HE reminds me too much of someone.
HE invokes fear in me. i know why => not about him falling.
HE is too nice. i smell fish. [ah...fish and co. butter mussels. fried calamari. newton's calamari too...and pirate's pari bakar. darn! i'm digressing... =p]
HE can't be IT, right? I have to go through the trials and tribulations of pulling him to my pasture? that is too much hard work....haiyah...mind speeding at 280km/h.
HE still scares me.
but he has nice eyes tho...
***
a fellow kolig introduced something. the triangle. at each corner, there marked the following: money, fast and good.
think of it.
1) u want something FAST & GOOD, it costs MONEY.
2) u want something GOOD & CHEAP, it'd be fast.
3) u want something GOOD, it'd be EXPENSIVE and never FAST.
=p
