believe you me. plagerism isn't the in-trend as of today. never has been. a good read is worth a quote. and here it is:

people keep silent for many reasons.

some do so because they have nothing much to say.

others do so because they think they know far too much.

then again, sometimes, you do not have to rely on words to convey the things that matter; you use your eyes, your heart, your mind.

- she -

so...for those who just cannot keep quiet?
either you have a low threshold for information.
or you are just the type who loves to practice verbal diarrhea.

now-now...
verbal orgasm isn't the way for cheap and easy climax, right?
have some modesty.
*winkZ*

***

i am aware that it is unexpected.
i am also aware that it has caused many enemies along the way.
believe you me, it was unplanned.
nonetheless, i still stand firm on not explaining my actions.
i do not believe that i owe anyone some.

what is it with people who tags others with so many requirements?
friends do not compel friends in a certain demanded direction.
'u shld do this' or 'u ought to do that' or 'u must do this' or 'u have to do that'... just to make everyone at peace with another.
then again, you can NEVER please everyone. might as well, not start to please one.

privacy:
- an intangible personal space
- self-declared
- self-paramounted
- guests are strictly upon invite
- amount of exposure is dependent on owner's discretion
==> therefore, to amount 'all or nothing at all' on exposure, is a little disrespectful to demand?

no. no.
learn to stay near the benches only. entry comes along with tickets. Oops! no tickets? run along now. STAY near the benches. no.no. dun fret. you will NEVER come across. get tickets. go! shoo! then again, tickets are upon owner's discretion and distribution.

too bad.
the playground's too clean to have you in it.
plus! it has been barbwired with anti-YOUs.

***

Well you got your reasons
And you got your lies
And you got your manipulations
.
.
.
Seems the road less traveled
Show's happiness unraveled
And you got to take a little dirt
To keep what you love

~tonic~

there is no need to be so sensitive about things, right?
if there is discomfort, it should be addressed. right?
u are someone i like, and when i sense you pulling away, i'd feel the strain.
evasive?
or do you hold the same principle as i: somethings are better left unsaid if there would bear no fruit at all?

i have nothing against you.
if you do to me, please do voice it out.
easier that way....

di malam nan sunyi duduk ku
termenung seorang diri di jendela sepi
hingga dini hari ku menantikan kepulanganmu
namun kata hanya sekadar tinggal kata-kata
bagaikan melukut di tepi gantang
begitulah aku di dalam hidupmu
ada tiada tak memberi kesan
hanya aku menanggung kerinduan
dulu pernah kau katakan sayang
ingin mendengar ku berlagu riang
menawar duka lara ku lupakan saja derita yang berlalu
tapi mengapa dirimu kasih ibarat lalang di tiup angin
kasihmu diracun oleh kata fitnah penuh hina hingga kini
kau biarkan saja diriku menanggung sepi
dengan irama duka ku yang tak bermakna bagimu

***

new mantera...
go with the flow.
go with the flow.
go with the flow.
go with the flow.

***

the lips.
the shoulders.
the head buff.
the physique.
the height la.
did i mention the head buff.
the biceps la.
aiyoh....

a crush cannot really swept me this bad, right?

ok...shh...shh...
leave it be...
leaving it be la!

bila yang tertulis untukku ada layar terbaik untukmu
kan ku jadikan kau.................................................................

***

semalam ada pwojek-tengok-gigi...
my baby went for his beauty treatment...
scrubbed, shampooed and conditioned his sexay boday...
waxed it to a T...
buffed his rims...
did brazzie on his exhausts...
balmed her manifolds...

he smells so fresh.
so clean. squeeky.
i can see the shine of my teeth.
look...he needs tender loving care at times.
the chariots gleaming under the basks!!!

thank you chrome polish and silicone spray.
woohoo!!!

***

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again
I pretend I’m ok
But that’s not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin’ to do

It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I’m doin’ It
It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

***

snap out of it, gerl!
*roll eyes*
just stop it.
got to just learn to walk away.
sheesh. waste of time.
not him. not him. not him.
no-no-no...

the last defense one has is: self-dignity and modesty.

***

being like this, makes me just want to blabber on and on here.
i seem to have so many things to say.
the flow process from the brain to the heart: clogged.
so...from the heart to the mouth: stuck.
then, from the mouth to the fingers and onto here: released.

so there. dats why, when i am in that thinking mode, i tend to write alot.
with writing, i am able to filter the unwanted. yah! minus or reduce the spontaneity. thus, lessen life's essence? *laffZ*

fuck!
hate when i am like this.

and the heart whispers its worries for me. it grants me sleepless nights. in that, it warrants me premature deep sleep: always interrupted somewhere in quarts. it gets tiring to always have intermittent deep sleep. it is almost like a travel that is interrupted and put to a temporary halt when least expected.

and the heart whispers its reluctance to me. how it refuses to be directed in a certain way and in a certain style. no, dun get me wrong. it is not as if i am abusing the heart to be in a compelled form. it is just that i am coaxing it in a certain direction, of which i desire. it refuses to budge. it is grounded. it is hard when it comes to dealing with my own self.

and the heart whispers its naughty thoughts. why? why does it want to indulge in such seductions. thou shalt not doth unto others what you doth not want to be doneth unto you. for the first time, i am lured by the succulence of the forbidden fruit. i was very near to plucking it from its branch. now, i am just standing under the tree, looking at the fruit, my arm half-reaching whilst blinking the time away: to be or not to be?

and the heart seems to skip a beat. believe you me, the heart is slabbed with a wall as thick as can be. in that, it has hardened. but! one look, it skipped. ouh! i hate the cupid's arrow. i am not totally swept. but the heart likes what it sees. doh! what the hell. my hands and legs are tied. i am not giving up. neither am i making an effort. i just do not want to do anything. the only thing i can lament is: our paths crossed late.

and the heart sings a tune so sad.
'music to hear, why hear'st thou music sadly?'

song of the week?
or maybe month...
here goes a part of it...

sejak engkau pergi dulu
kau bawa bersama bisa hati ini
kembalikan belaian jiwaku
moga cinta bercahaya selamanya
sedalam mana cintamu
hingga sanggup melukakan hati ini
di kala aku rindu kasih sayangmu di sisiku hingga akhir nanti
pulangkanlah bintang, siang dan malamku
lafazkanlah sengsara ini
katakanlah engkau menjadi milikku
bergerdilan hilangkan resahku

***
a crush cannot be this bad, right?
Drool factors:
- head buff
- nice teeth
- nice height
- nice size aka bidang
- fair-skinned
- the smile...it has got to be the smile. sheesh!

no-no... bubble was burst yesterday. sigh... back to my shell.
mengintai-intai sahaja...
menjeling-jeling sahaja...
no touch-touch...
*weak smiles* paths crossed a little too late...

better crossed than not knowing the person ever exist, right?

***

too many came aknocking. i am getting exhausted trying to answer the door. whoever has informed them of my address? did i invite them to come in the first place? to bask in such attention might turn out to be rather fun, when we are all trying to have fun. right? but! for every good thing must come to an end. and i, being the cynic and sceptic, do wonder when will the fun actually ends and the ugly rears its head.

karma will come biting me in the arse, i tell you.
three times fold.
now, i am speculating whether to play with fire or not.
what are the consequences?
believe you me, the pawns are more seductive than the consequences. *slurpZ*

*tepuk dahi*
when have i evolved to be this naughty?

***

i think it is time for me to go on a hiatus.
too much basking under the light will give me a sunburnt eventually.
believe you me, i dun feel much of a string to anyone.
i am not making use of them either.
i guess i met him too late...
yah...
not good...
all from the same group.

got to go on a hiatus.
if i speak of this a little too much, then i might just come to believe it.
right?
okie...
i'll make it my own mantera then...